I actually wrote a number of structurally similar poems back in high school, trying to capture the sense of dialogue within the flow and form of poetry while at the same time trying to capture the descent into madness. I was once asked in high school what I wanted to be when I grew up. My answer? I told them that I wanted to be insane, but to retain enough sanity to write about it. Which, come to think of it, describes ‘horror author’ fairly well, no?
I’ll try to post all of them straight through February for comparison sake. None of them, as poetry, are great, but they’re all sort of kind of interesting…the main reason I haven’t posted these previously is because the formatting of them, in WordPress is a nightmare…I always loved to play with indenting and positioning the words on the paper as an integral part of the poetry, which does not translate well from page to MSWord to WordPress. One poem I wrote actually had a (bad) drawing comprised of letters as the title…which really didn’t work on the computer.
Sanity Calling…
(or-as they say in other dimensions-)
in strange sorts of dreams
all sorts of thoughts
and ports of call
wander through my soul-
….. screaming in silence
……….. wanting, if not, to scream out loud
questioning morals and values
……….. and that which lies between
and that which lies
….. wanting for answers
or just to be held
waking up screaming without making a sound
or just to be held
praying to be told who I am
….. as though you know…
I sense the bleeding
……….. even though I am alone
can I be dreaming
….. or just insane
losing reality along the sordid way
I need to know-just tell me
….. can you tell me
sanity leaves without saying goodbye
….. without a word a silent scream
a silent scream
….. out loud
in the darkness
……….. in the crowd
….. or just to be held
tell me what to do….. what to do….. what to do….. what to do….. what to do….. what to do
blood trickles down my sanity
where it broke through the veil of reality
….. and fantasy and reality and fantasy and reality and
where it broke through
………………………….. ‘No’
….. help me
…………………………… ‘No’
….. help me
…………………………… ‘No’
go away-return to leave again
….. help me
…………………………… ‘No’
am I sane or only pretending-
….. I say-the poet has gone mad
……….. take me-lock me away
….. help me
…………………………… ‘No’
make love to me and leave me to cry
….. leave me to bleed leave me to
Me-
all in all-who am I
who is me-
stop me please
before I die…
‘I’m sorry-that number has been disconnected.’
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or just to be held